How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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