How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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