How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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