How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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