How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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