How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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