How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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