How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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