How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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