How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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