How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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