How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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