How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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