How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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