How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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