How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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