How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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