How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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