How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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