How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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