How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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