How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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