How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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