How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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