How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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