How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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