How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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