How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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