How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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