How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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