How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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