How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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