How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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