How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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