How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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