How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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