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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?
As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.
but enough about Kanye West.
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What's the definition of a minor second?
Two flutes playing in unison.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?
One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.
The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.
It was sole destroying.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.
Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?
A fire cracker
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