How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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