How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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