How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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