How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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