How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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