How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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