How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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