How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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