How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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