How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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