How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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