How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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