How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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