How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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