How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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