How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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