How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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