I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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