I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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