I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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