I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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