I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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