I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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