I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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