I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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