I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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