I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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