I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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