I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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