I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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