I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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