I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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