I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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