I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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