I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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