I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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