I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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