If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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