If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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