I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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