I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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