I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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