I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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