Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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