Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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