Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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