Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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