Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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