Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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