Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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