"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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