"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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