"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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