My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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