My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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