My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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