My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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