My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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