My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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