My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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