"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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