"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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