"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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