Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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