Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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