Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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