Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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