Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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