Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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