Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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