Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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