Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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