Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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