So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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