So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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