So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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