Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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