Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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