Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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