That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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