That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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