The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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