The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".

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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!

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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.

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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.

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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!

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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.

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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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