The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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