There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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