There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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