There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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