There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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