There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile . . .
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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