There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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