There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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