They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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