They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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