They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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